Antinous for Everybody

I worship a dead gay teenager and you can too

Enlightenment

I do not pray for enlightenment

Sometimes I only want to hide

in the shadows

Sometimes the darkness feels

warmer, safe

Darkness is not always dangerous

not always the pit, the labyrinth,

the abyss

Darkness can be the covers

pulled over your head

the dim room where a movie glows

on a solitary screen

To be in the light means

exposure

Every flaw, every freckle, every nuance

My thick ankles and my thinning hair

my depression and my anxiety

the stretch marks on my skin

dust gathered on my bookshelves

decades of anger pooled like lava

in my gut

fingernails shredded, teeth clenched

for feelings I dared not speak

How can I expose all this

to the light

How can the gods shine into me,

through me,

thick mortal flesh, thick mortal feelings,

wading up to my knees, my hips

in the sludge of mundane life?

And yet they seek to. They seek

to shine in me.

I have not asked for this.

Only let me hide under the covers,

walk unnoticed through the alley,

eat cold cereal and take a hot shower

and then go back to bed.

To descend into the darkness, yes,

that can be frightening.

But so can rising, exposed,

into the light.

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2 thoughts on “Enlightenment

  1. You’ve been looking at my day planner the last few days, haven’t you? 😉

    Kidding, of course…I don’t have a day planner.

    Like

  2. M.A. Rivera on said:

    You know, several years ago I remarked to a friend of mine how folks usually see the darkness (in a magical, spiritual context, etc.) as something to be overcome and whatnot. I pointed out to him that the inverse hold true for others; when you can see everything within your line of view it can…well, it can suck. Personally, I’m a creature of the night and the darkness and I rather like it that way! Blessings.

    Like

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