At this time of year, I often find myself thinking that I’m a bad Pagan because I’m not a huge fan of Halloween. I love cooler weather, brisk winds, falling leaves, gourds and tiny pumpkins decorating my table. However, I have no desire to dress up or go to parties, and I don’t like scary movies very much because they actually scare me.
On this feast day, the people of Antinous celebrate the Panthea in honor of all the goddesses, divae, sanctae, and heroines associated with the youthful god. It’s one of those days that makes me feel like a bad feminist because I don’t have a relationship with a lot of goddesses. I hung around or at least read about Goddess spirituality and Wicca long enough to absorb the idea that women need goddesses, yet the deities I approach daily are Antinous himself; Serapis, to whom I pray as a father; and Vesta. Vesta is not, to me, mother or sister, lover or beloved, but rather a protectress, a role model, a powerful force, a presence. She is less personal in her manifestation to me than the two gods, but no less important.
In my previous post, I listed the goddesses who have close connections with the Bithynian Boy. As a girl, I was very attracted to Athena, as the deity with whom I had most in common. In my twenties, I discovered that the asteroid named Pallas, after Athena, sits exactly on my ascendant, in the sign of Aquarius. I seem much more like a typical Aquarius than a typical Capricorn, which is where my natal sun is situated. I suppose it’s typical of an Athena type of woman that she’s more interested in men, ofttimes, than in other women, more drawn to gods than to goddesses.
I was feeling depressed earlier today, after a trying week. Like many women, I turned to an unfailing source of comfort: a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. Remembering that I ought to do something for the holy day, that I *wanted* to do something, I lit Vesta’s candle on my shrine and put some of my ice cream in a small dish. I offered it to the goddesses and named their names before taking my first mouthful of frozen dairy therapy. Once I finished it, I felt better, able to make the post I had been planning for the day.
I wonder if even a goddess might want a pint of ice cream now and then? In any case, the holy powers do seem to appreciate it when I share favorite foods with them.